Recent posts
Chamonix · 18 February 2012
What a lovely piece written about my visit to Chamonix.
http://carrotsandchaturanga.wordpress.com/2012/02/17/a-week-of-the-unbirthdays/
Heart as Home · 12 February 2012
Wandering
Being a wanderer seems to be a desire to find a home, a restless desire of sorts as one hasn’t quite found their home as of yet.
What is home really?
When one feels the heart relax, let go and become quiet, home is found in the heart. I have experienced this a few times, most significantly while on a silent retreat, or prolonged period of intensive practice. When in my normal environment, with all that adheres to working to earn a living, I sometimes don’t take the time to settle in my mind and heart long enough to find my way home.
There’s a deep longing and ache to be home. A yearning for softness and space, rest and peace, but within the churning of ones daily activities, it is difficult to find the path to peace and refuge- the running must stop in order to see the way.
But also, there is a ‘tending to’ period. The mind and heart require a continual feeding, a fertilizing of the inner garden. We must re-nourish the soil, add nutrients and air- rate it occasionally in order for new blooms to occur.
How one goes about this will vary from one individual to the next. Where we find our nutrition and support is different for each of us. So wandering at first, is a way to discover where we find food for the heart.
There is indeed a fallow time as well. And we can mentally and physically allow this just to be, for in over tending the garden, we can disturb what is trying to take root. Those new tender shoots just beginning to dive down into the rich soil need space and time to make their way. So, we can get out of the way for this to organically happen. It is a time when we can step aside and just be with what is, whatever the conditions.
Settling into a ( meditation) practice for a suspended amount of time can open up the space in the heart so that it feels so comfortable, so soft, so delicious, that there is no way we can’t see that it is home. The wandering ceases. The faith blossoms. We know from direct experience, not from books, not from what someone else has said, not from any recipe, but deeply and truly for ourselves that we are home when we are in our own hearts.
Until this experience, we seek, we wander, get lost and are confused. I’m not in a place to say my confusion has lifted, or that I won’t get lost again, but I can honestly say that I will now never doubt that my heart is my home, even if I become temporarily blind to the path back. Once there is this taste and recognition, there is no other refuge.
Finding Space · 13 January 2012
Re-acquainting the heart with space.
No matter what our work in the world might be, we all loose some of our inner space from time to time. Even though my work is what I consider to be skillful and helpful to others, running a business of any kind requires logistical thinking, planning and organization of oneself and others.
Being here in the monastery has given me the greatest gift of all, space- I remember again what it feels like, allows for in the heart, provides for in the mind. I am at home anywhere in the world with it, and happy with anything because of it.
Space is soft, it’s tender it’s enveloping and delicately holding us at all times. Space allows thoughts to flow through the mind without getting stuck or snagged. Space in the heart allows for compassion to blossom, kindness to be automatic, understanding to be a given condition. Space not only allows for the body to remain in greater health, but we feel better when the muscular fabric of the body is soft and relaxed – we are more at ease in our own skin.
Space may be an elusive element in our daily lives, but it is available whenever we find the time to notice it. Simply walking into a room, we can tune our perception to notice the space between the furniture, the distance between the walls, the separation between the door and the floor ,the floor and the ceiling.
We can attune to the space between words, thoughts and feelings. The beautifully poignant gap between things said both internally and externally, the silence of a room, the quiet soft space of the sky.
We can invite space into the body by stretching, by being with loved ones, by swimming in the sea. We can find the space between our fingers and toes, see how much space there is between our widest stance, each rib, or the distance between our
ears.
We live with and in space in our most natural state of being, remembering it is a matter of simply noticing that it is gone and taking the time to kindly invite it back. Start with the heart and invite softness, then move the softness to the body, and then the mind. Arrange yourself in a sacred space that feels welcoming and peaceful as often as you can, bring yourself into the sacred
space as an integral part of it.
By lightly focusing the mind on the breath we steady the awareness so that it can be widened to notice and include the spaciousness that is natural mind. That sky-like nature of mind that often gets crowded or covered over with responsibilities and daily life.
Contemplate space, see what it brings to mind, how it makes you feel. Invite space into the body, mind and heart in any way that feels organic and loving. Write the word SPACE on paper and put it on a wall where you’ll see it often. Our minds have many conditions, we can choose space to be one of the conditions that we nourish and expand.
The eye of the storm · 29 August 2011
Irene, Irene. She had an eye and I was in it.
It was so clear, so calm and unbelievably quiet. How did you experience it, if you did ?
Wonderful Words · 15 August 2011
I found the words to this song to be timely and inspiring. See what you think.
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised
By Gil Scott Heron
You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
Skip out for beer during commercials,
Because the revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.
The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
Mitchell, General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.
The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be brought to you by the
Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie
Woods and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.
The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.
The revolution will not make you look five pounds
thinner, because the revolution will not be televised, Brother.
There will be no pictures of you and Willie May
pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run,
or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.
NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
or report from 29 districts.
The revolution will not be televised.
There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of Whitney Young being
run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process.
There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy
Wilkens strolling through Watts in a Red, Black and
Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the proper occasion.
Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville
Junction will no longer be so damned relevant, and
women will not care if Dick finally gets down with
Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
will be in the street looking for a brighter day.
The revolution will not be televised.
There will be no highlights on the eleven o’clock
news and no pictures of hairy armed women
liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.
The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be right back after a message
bbout a white tornado, white lightning, or white people.
You will not have to worry about a dove in your
bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.
The revolution will not go better with Coke.
The revolution will not fight the germs that may cause bad breath.
The revolution will put you in the driver’s seat.
The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised,
will not be televised, will not be televised.
The revolution will be no re-run brothers;
The revolution will be live.
dark outside · 25 January 2011
Love and light has never been my thing. I’m not one to proclaim to be a healer, a master or a guru – so far from it.
I am really into being human because finally, I am appreciating the facts that it carries the ability to make mistakes, start again, practice, change the mind and lighten up!
Whenever I work with anyone who has less than I do – less mobility, less health, less money ( although that’s getting more rare) less love, less food – I am genuinely inspired. Less is so often more in terms of the heart. More sometimes can mean greed and more desire, and less of the ability to empathize or share. I know this is a gross generalization, but I have been finding it to be true a lot recently.
I suggest that we all give more. More time, more money if we have it, and many, many more smiles to each other. It helps connect us to each other, allows the giver to feel good, and the receiver not feel so alone. Kindness is also underrated now a days, so we can all try for a bit more of that don’t you think?
Kindness is my practice – and , I’ve heard it’s the Dalai Lama’s as well. Let’s give more of that!
I hope the photograph brings you a smile, maybe even a laugh – it’s a nice way to lighten the day! No love and light new age balony…just kindness and a quirky smile.
A new path · 11 January 2011
There is no road map for what we’ve been doing for the past 6 years – there are others bringing yoga and meditation into at risk and in need communities, but as far as I know, not as integrative as what we are doing by working in collaboration with therapists and counselors…at least not yet. It’s a good idea, which means there are most probably others busy making their own discoveries somewhere else as well.
In the meantime, we’ve been carefully working with specific populations, and creating our training . We take working with at risk communities very seriously; their needs are not the same as everyone elses are.
We bring the mind into the body, and are prepared for what might arise from that. Rather than teaching yoga as an exercise in pure movement, meditation as a silent seated pursuit, or therapy as just talk – we are interested and intrigued by the prospect of discovery and the process of letting go and moving forward that the integration of these modalities offer.
Our team of yoga/ meditation teachers and psychotherapists have developed a meaningful and successful model of care that combines the best practices in practical and accessible ways, and doing our very best to not without loose the integrity of the original traditions.
What we have been experiencing is so rich, rewarding and wonderful. Our model really does work. We have the students telling us so, the hospital staff letting us know and the facilitators seeing a difference in their youth.
Is this fringe work? I don’t believe so in fact - I feel strongly it is here to stay. Some of our current students are currently pursuing degrees in Pyschology, one in Environmental Pysch. some in Social Work. And, we are already receiving applications from others for the fall – all telling us that this is exactly what they have been looking for. So I believe we are creating a new way to work with each other.
It will certainly be interesting to see how all of this enthusiasm for yoga and meditation pans out far in the future – it’s lasted and grown much stronger than most of us could have predicted. It’s hopeful. It’s allowing people to flourish, grow and wake up. It may not create as many enlightened beings as there are yoga studios, but it is creating some peace, calm, reflective pauses and wellness for sure.
I wonder how much longer it will take the medical society to fully embrace these traditions for real? What I still see too much of is a Dr. or therapist suggesting yoga or meditation without being able to suggest or vet a teacher, or a studio. I also know of many hospitals, Veteran Centers, at – risk youth centers, addiction centers - taking in a yoga and or meditation teacher as a modern baby sitter without much thought to how or if the person has been trained to work with a given population. If this continues, it will be our undoing. We simply don’t get the best results without some semblance of understanding about the people we are working with and what they are suffering from. And, we just might cause more harm than good.
About 8 years ago, I was invited to join the board of directors for a foundation that taught yoga and meditation to at risk youth. This foundation had been in existence for a number of years, and they were interested in having me join because at the time ( maybe still) there weren’t too many people who truly practiced and integrated both.
I went to the Bronx to observe one of their classes and was pretty horrified. The yoga was taught by a well meaning gentleman who rarely looked at the kids – and the postures were from the Ashtanga tradition and way too difficult for them to do. The woman who taught meditation, asked them to close their eyes and clear their minds.
Whoa. These were kids in orange jumpsuits, street kids – this was a lock down facility. Most of the youth had never meditated before, and I guess 99.9% never wanted to, or would again. I knew right then that I needed to respond, rather than react ( well, I reacted silently for awhile) and went about putting the School for Compassionate Action together.
We have so much to give others, especially when we’re armed with compassion and wisdom. One with out the other may work somewhat for sure, but it’s not as good as we can get. It is my sincere hope that many more caring and intelligent people will collaborate and share their strengths – like our therapists and yoga/meditation teachers are doing , so that we will continue to make our system of care better.
· 4 November 2010
SCA: Bringing Yoga and Meditation into the World
The Power of Personal Experience
I’m sharing some stories written by my most wonderful colleague Diana Slattery. Diana has been teaching a group of people living with chronic pain, illness and trauma at Gouverneur Healthcare for SCA for over a year now – and here are some of her most memorable stories that deeply touches the humanity of this work.
Thanks for this offering Diana.
Geo’s Tsunami
Geo has been a member of the Pain and Stress Regulation Group and Gouverneur HealthCare Services for about a year now. Geo is a unique within the group; he is the only Chinese participant (the majority of the patients are of Hispanic backgrounds) and he is the only male. Although steady in his attendance, he tends to be a quieter and a more introspective member of the group, sharing his experiences in a restrained manner. Geo suffers from various medical conditions which have left him with persistent pain; he also experiences anxiety and spends most of his time between his home and medical appointments.
Geo has an affinity towards Metta practices, also known as loving-kindness, and he has even requested that we do a Metta prayer at the end of every session. With Metta, the meditator cultivates feelings of kindness towards all beings, including oneself; wishing all beings well. The version of Metta that we use in the class is:
May I be at peace
May I know the beauty of my true nature
May I be well in my body, mind and heart
May I be safe from all danger; either inner dangers or those in the external world
May I be loved, and may I better see the love that is already all around me, even in the places where it is imperfect
May I be generous in my loving of others; may I bring my love to the places that scare me or the places that I believe I can’t or won’t
May I be happy
May I be free
At a recent group, we ended the session with the Metta prayer. The instructor spoke the prayer while the patients dedicated the prayer towards their own wellbeing. After the meditation, the patients were asked to share their experiences.
Geo was the last to share: My anxiety comes on me like a tsunami, rising up behind me and ready to take me and everything around me under; to destroy. The practices of meditation cause that tsunami wave to recede; although it recedes powerfully leaving an empty space. That emptiness can be as scary as the wave; but the Metta prayer fills that space with something good; something hopeful.
Shouldering Abuse
Dee has attended the Pain and Stress Management Group at Gouverneur since its inception. Faithful with her attendance and enthusiastic at each group, Dee eagerly incorporates the practices of yoga and meditation to help her manage her chronic back and shoulder pain, which she has suffered with for over 10 years and through several surgeries. At each group, Dee speaks of right low back and outer hip pain. She doesn’t speak of left shoulder girdle or neck pain, which is surprising, because she often can be found hiking her left shoulder girdle and rotating her head to the right.
On one occasion nearly a year after she began the yoga and meditation group, Dee mentioned to the group that her household and family stressors were very high. She also noticed increased pain in her left shoulder, which was even more contracted that usual. We began the group with a mindfulness meditation and then the patients were led into very small, gentle and mindful movements of the arms, focusing on the relationship of movements of the upper spine and the arms. The patients were encouraged to proceed carefully with the movements, going slowly enough to receive feedback from their bodies for when a particular movement might be uncomfortable.
Suddenly, Dee burst into tears. The group stopped the movements to check in with Dee; as instructor, I was nervous that Dee might have moved her problematic left arm through too large of a range of motion. As she collected herself, she assured us that her tears were not due to physical strain. Instead she shared that as a child, she was sexually abused. I hadn’t realized how for the last 50 years, I have been “bracing” myself for the next assault. I have cowered, protecting myself from my attacker all these years. I hadn’t realized how physically tiring that has been……… I had no idea.
Flying
There was patient in the Pain and Stress Regulation Group at Gouverneur HealthCare Services who, although consistent with her attendance at the group, didn’t hesitate to let us know how the group was “doing nothing for her”. Physically, she was a “ball” of stress. Arriving to group in her motorized scooter with her back hunched, face pinched; even her feet were clenched and drawn up and away from the foot support.
She would often spend much of her time in group talking about her family stressors, which were intense. As she spoke, her breathlessness and anxiety was almost “contagious”; creating an air of tension throughout the group. Much of her discussions were of a repetitive nature; rehashing stories and events that showed how she was unable to help the people in her family; unable to help herself with her pain.
One yoga session, the patients worked with small, incremental arm sweeps while seated in the chair. With each round of breath, the patients were instructed to slowly increase the height by which they raised the arms, being careful to coordinate the movements with the breath. At the end of the movement series, J. was smiling as she exclaimed “wow!” Not used to joyful expressions coming from this particular patient, we asked her if she wanted to share what she was experiencing.
As I did the arm movements with the breath, I felt the weight of all the people who I carry on my back; all of the family members who I help all the time. They are so heavy, but as I stayed with the movement I began to feel like I was lifting up all the people who were riding my back. Each time they lifted up a little higher, and the lifting became easier and lighter. Before I knew it, I was lifting myself up along with them. We were flying…… it was beautiful.
Unworthiness
At one of the yoga and meditation groups at Nassau Extended Care Nursing Facility, the patients were put in pairs for an activity in which they were to simply maintain the gaze of their partner for 30 seconds. The patients paired up, and Lily, a sweet and impish elderly woman, agreed to pair up with a patient who was new to the facility. The patients were guided through the exercise, wordlessly maintaining eye gaze with partners, and then we reassembled into the larger group to discuss any observations that the patients might have had. Lily could hardly contain herself; she was visibly angry and wanted to speak first. She wouldn’t even look me in the eye! Can you believe that? Am I that disgusting, that hideous, that you couldn’t even look at me?!!
The group was stunned; all faces turned towards Lily’s partner. Her partner’s face reflected confusion; not confusion over what Lily had shared, just confusion. With a quizzical expression, she asked: What did she say? I couldn’t hear anything; my hearing is so poor and these hearing aides don’t work! What did she say?
I repeated Lily’s comments to her partner, articulating my words clearly and making sure that she could see my face as I spoke. Oh my goodness, I can’t believe she thought that. I was having a hard time hearing the directions for the exercise, so I kept needing to look around to see the instructors face to make sure I wasn’t missing anything. It had nothing to do with Lily and everything to do with my old ears!
Lily’s eyes watered as she realized how easy it was for her to believe that she was unlovable and unworthy of being seen. She spoke of how what she believed in her mind was so far from what was actually happening in the moment, and she wondered aloud how many moments of her life might be reflected in these types of mis-reading a moment.
Bringing back a SYSTEM of CARE to our health care system · 22 September 2010
An important change we could make within our health care system, is to bolster both the system and care aspects that are sorely lacking right now.
A system – includes collaboration, communication, and the appreciation and recognition of individual insights.
The word system comes from the Latin word systema, which means “whole compounded of several parts or members, that interact or are interdependent entities forming an integrated whole.” ( wikipedia ) A recognition of interdependence is lacking in most areas of health care and at risk youth care in the United States right now – we subsist – barely, on disparate, however intelligent, areas of specialty that do not interact, share or work for the common good of the individuals we seek to serve.
We all know that our system isn’t working – and it can be overwhelming to try to change or repair a system so broken, especially at an individual level. What we can do is respond with alternative means, and that’s what we have done with the School for Compassionate Action.
I know from personal experience, having been chewed up and spit out by the healthcare system, that getting angry about anything isn’t productive. Responding with an alternative however, is a way not only to provoke positive change, but stay internally healthy at the same time. Anger will just eat away at us, rendering it impossible to motivate compassion.
Many of us need outside assistance- better or more information about what might help us with our physical and emotional needs, and some inspiration to keep trying. SCA is dedicated to teaching, educating and assisting those who may be in need in our local communities. We are a collective and collaborative group of people willing to share information and create change.
The SCA training and model of care is a response to current lack of competent ‘systems’. We provide body and mind education, self care techniques and classes for those who are helping others – social workers, therapists, clinicians, healthcare providers and teachers – so that they will continue to stay vital while doing their work.
We train therapists, social workers, yoga and meditation teachers, school teachers etc. – to utilize body and mind awareness practices in their work – safely and effectively.
We teach in hospitals, alternative to incarceration facilities, nursing homes, clinics, and schools – directly offering yoga, meditation and quality emotional support to populations in need in our community.
Changing the current system may be simply instigating new systems where ever and when ever we can – in this vein, I hope you’ll join us in what we are doing right here and right now!
Jill
New season coming · 22 September 2010
We’re really psyched about the new training, and series of workshops that will be starting soon – I’m gearing up for September because NYC is on speed as soon as everyone gets back to town and back to our natural pace of fast!
I consider myself to be a mellowed type A due to many, many years of practicing both meditation and yoga – I truly believe I would be in sad shape had I not kept my practices up. It’s really important to stop and take a pause, especially in an urban setting. Our lives can be on auto hyper drive, which drains the nervous system and keeps our minds very pre-occupied. Being in our own heads too long takes us out of reality, out of the present – don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to underrate thinking – it’s obviously important – but a balance between being in the head, and being in the world is a good one to seek!
It’s by staying awake in the world that we can actually make a difference. If we see what is going on around us, feel the feelings and see the needs ( of ourselves and others ) we can take thoughtful action, take good care.
I’d love to meet any of you who – like all of us involved in School for Compassionate Action - understand the necessity of practice and pauses so that we might better help others. We’re holding a FREE morning of meditation and information about our workshops and trainings at the Tibet House on September 18th 10-12. No registration, just show up and meet others interested in taking action in our communities.
Thank you to Well and Good for a well written article by writer Lisa Held : http://wellandgoodnyc.com/2010/08/26/yoga-buddhism-and-psychology-training-yogis-to-heal-communities/
And to our friends at Yoga Activist for their informative site and help in spreading the SCA word! http://www.yogaactivist.org/300-hour-advanced-teacher-training-for-communities-in-need
To all of you who DARE TO CARE _ Thank you!!
Jill